The Good, the Bad, and the Vain

means two things:

One: I'm lethargic from yesterday's "uncomfortable" experience.
Two: I'm literally list-less, as in without a list. Due to recent turn of events, I scrapped my list of new year's resolutions and I have to make a new one.

Tomorrow, I'll be back in shape and I'll have my list.

It doesn't get any better than this after being reduced to filth by someone filthier.



The good outweighs the bad.

You are actually what you say you are not.

I tried to imitate my friend’s DAMN-I’M-ADORABLE signature pose. To make myself more adorable for the picture, I got myself an accessory – my cousin’s baby.

 As you could see, my accessory doesn’t seem to approve of my imitation.

 Model and baby don’t mix.

I've been off the runway since December. Runway to me is the DL Umali Park. That's where I've been running and walking around these past few years. I've lost considerably a lot of weight from my routine.

Dreaming to be thin was far from my mind when I started to wear rubber shoes and sweat it out every afternoon. I did it because I needed diversion. I needed to get my mind off from frustrations in my personal life and work.

The time I was starting to go in circles at the park, I actually ran fast. I ran a lot of times. I only stop running when I'm already panting and about to drop. Focusing on catching my breath after running too fast provided me a great relief, yet momentarily, from thinking of my problems.

Last year, I started to (cat)walk and not run anymore. I even had runway music loaded in my mp3 player to get me into the mood.

This time, though, I'll find myself doing my old routine at the park starting this afternoon.

Why? Because I want THAT feeling again.

I’m not the type who itches to go to the movie house once a potential hit movie (or something that has gained too much public anticipation) is shown. I hate the bandwagon.

I watch something not because it’s “cool” to watch, but there’s something about the movie that strikes a chord in my heart, that the story is actually my story (sort of).

But there are quite a number of movies I like. In fact, I just bought original DVDs of the films I could watch over and over again. Last night, I watched Elizabeth (1998).

It is interesting to say that I have a growing love affair with this film every time I watch it. As years go by, it seems that I tend to like it more because of the growing number of experiences that I have that parallel the struggles of the main character, her joys and pains, and her personality.

Below are quotes that I love from the movie.

SCENE: The ill Queen Mary is talking to her Protestant half-sister (then Princess Elizabeth) asking her a favor to uphold the Catholic faith when she becomes queen.
ELIZABETH: Mary, if you sign that paper, you will be murdering your own sister.
QUEEN MARY: You will promise me something?
ELIZABETH: (nodding)
QUEEN MARY: When I am gone, you will do everything in your power to uphold the Catholic faith. Do not take away from the people the consolations of the Blessed Virgin.
ELIZABETH: When I am Queen I promise to act as my conscience dictates.
QUEEN MARY: Well, do not think to be Queen at all.

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SCENE: Lord Robert talks to his lover Elizabeth who is about to be queen.
LORD ROBERT: Elizabeth, Queen of England. A court to worship you. A country to obey you. Poems written celebrating your beauty. Music composed in your honour, and they will be nothing to you. I will mean nothing to you.
ELIZABETH: How could you ever be nothing to me? Robert, you know you are everything to me.
LORD ROBERT: All that I am it is you.

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SCENE: Monsieur De Foix guessing why Queen Elizabeth would not want to marry.
MONSIEUR DE FOIX: Perhaps Her Majesty's heart is already set upon another.
ELIZABETH: Do not presume, monsieur, to know the secrets of my heart. Monsieur de Foix may leave.

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SCENE: Elizabeth gets mad at her loyal adviser for underestimating her.
SIR WILLIAM: Forgive me, Madam, but you are only a woman.
ELIZABETH: I may be a woman, Sir William, but if I choose I have the heart of a man! I am my father's daughter. I am not afraid of anything.

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SCENE: The queen, standing beside a statue of the Blessed Virgin, talks to Walsingham.
ELIZABETH: I have rid England of her enemies. What do I do now? Am I to be made of stone? Must I be touched by nothing?

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SCENE: The queen talks to her court.
ELIZABETH: Observe, Lord Burghley. I am married to England.

P.S. The sequel is now showing but I haven’t watched it yet. On a different note, you might think I’m too ambitious or too crazy to make such comparisons. But I don’t care. We all have our thing, and this is mine.

 

 

I actually saw this shirt at the mall first day of the year. (Yes, I was shopping.)

I just thought it would be interesting to edit and post it to aptly describe what I feel right now.

But, of course, I won't actually drink and wallow in my sadness.

Got to do what I promised myself albeit I didn't expect the test would have to be the next day I made the promise.

Talk about getting myself in to the program ASAP!

Fight. Fight. Fight.



 

Now that my plate is officially clean again, I'd like to start the year differently this time by having a list of resolutions.

Before, I thought I shouldn't be bound by time to make those self-improvement choices. However, considering how things turned out  for me last year, I figured I need to make a list this time and stick to it.

I'm not putting my list here though. I'm writing my resolutions on my paper journal. I think being too flashy might just jinx my self-rehab for 2008.

Naturally, I do expect myself to slip from time to time. But this year, whenever such occasions do occur, I promise to bounce back quickly, gather my wits, and work harder to stick to my list. No more sulking. No more wallowing.

This year has got be my time to redeem myself, to put myself where I should be, to get things what I want and what I truly deserve, and more importantly, to nurture relationships with people who truly care about me.

It has been a long time since I had a "glorious" year. Years that I consider to be significant are 1996, 2000, and 2004. So, if it appears that my "luck" happens every four years, then my time has come again! I'll put my stamp on 2008 and make it my own.

And even after 2008, I'll certainly welcome each year with much hope and zest (and style, too!), and not just rest my luck on counting by fours.

Here I go.

He whose blog is the only one I've linked to mine, this one is for you:

As this year is about to end, I'd like to extend the remaining space to thank this person who encouraged me to put my thoughts (semi)publicly in electronic form. 

Having this online journal is one of the best things I've ever done in 2007.

Reading alone his page was enough push for me to start typing and clicking. 

As you could see, mentoring knows no age.

I also would like to thank him for reading and commenting on my entries.

For all that, I will continue chronicling as I walk this runway called life.

Well, at least for me, it is.

*   *   *   *   *
For the record, you have a beautiful mind.

Don't argue. This is my space.

 

 
 

"2007 was tough, 
but I was tougher."

I would be a hypocrite if I tell you that 2007 is one of my favorite years. Again, if you happen to be following my trail of thoughts here, you would have guessed that there is nothing really to smile about.

However, I do believe that 2007 marks a year of discernment in both my professional and personal life; and for that, I'm very grateful for a lot of people who kept me sane in the year that was.

My family                    
Truly, blood is thicker than water.

My boss                      
I am so lucky to be trusted so much.

My friends                   
Who else could have made me laugh so hard when I was desperate?

My office friends
Humiliation has no place when I begin to talk and mope.

You
You’ve taken out time to know me and read my mind through this space.

The One I was hoping for
Not that you’ve kept me sane (certainly not!),
but you’ve pushed me so hard this time to do the RIGHT thing from here onwards.

The One I am hoping for
Just the thought of you gives me hope that you are really worth waiting for.

Me
Just when no one was available to listen, you managed to put me through.

 

If you've been following this blog, you'd get the impression that I hate being alone. In fact, the blog entry before this one reeks again of the quintessential tragic single person waiting for THE one.

This time, though, let me revel in my lonesomeness.

There are two occasions I simply love being alone. One is when I shop. The other time is when my family is out of town and I have the house all to myself.

Right now, I'm home alone and I'm loving every minute of it.

I'm supposed to be doing something (again) for my research. However, since I do have a profound respect for holidays, I've given up work. Tomorrow, though, I promise to work.
So, today, I relished every moment of living alone. All I did was watch DVDs of two of my all-time-instant-cure-for-sadness movies (The Devil wears Prada and View from the Top) and read 3 back issues of American Vogue.


(I just love Andy's look here. The Devil wears Prada, 2006)


(I hope to walk the streets of Paris one day just like Donna! View from the Top, 2003)

My day would have been better though have I had meals ready for heating in the microwave. Instead, my menu for today consisted of canned sausage and tuna, popcorn, chocolates, chips, and tea. Apparently, diet also went on vacation.

To add more drama to my home alone experience, I lit up our Christmas tree. I just love glancing at it.

It may be weird, but I want to experience Christmas and New Year alone in my own apartment or condominium in the future. Wouldn't it be nice to cook yourself a delightful meal and treat yourself with cool presents while enjoying a good view of the city (if you happen to live in a high-rise home) or the quietness of your minimalist-styled abode?

So, my experience now is sort of a practice of my dream if and when I do leave the country and find work or study elsewhere.

Perhaps, when that time comes, all my bad memories of being alone would be erased and I'll be happy having the best company there is --- myself.

 

It is my personal tradition to have something new on Christmas Day. Ideally, from head to foot, I have something new on. But this year, for the first time, I'm wearing old clothes and shoes. 

I'm actually happy about not being able to give in to the yearly custom of spending a lot of money for just a few hours of exposure to relatives on a holiday reunion. 

Perhaps, this is a sign that I'm beginning to realize the value of yesterday's occasion.

It's not how much money we spend, but how we spend our time with people we love on that special day.

P.S.
A few hours after I write this entry, I'd be in the mall for a much needed respite. I'm guessing, all the restraining I've been through these past few days would turn me in to a hulk-of-a-shopaholic tomorrow.

This year could be described as having a little too much to handle as far as I'm concerned.

I have to make next year my year.

Less tears.

More gains.

Better wardrobe.

New outlook.

New love (I could hear my friends say "Ching!")

I know this entry reeks of vanity, but I just would like to thank the UPLB Development Communicators' Society for such a lovely recognition you have given me. I wasn't able to thank you last year. So, now that I'm IT again, I won't pass up this chance to express my gratitude. Others may frown on me doing this note for such a fancy recognition. Some may not even agree at all why it was me. But I don't care. I love it!

I'm also thanking you on behalf of the other faculty members and staff in the college you have also recognized in last Thursday's program. I'm sure they were delighted to be noted in a special way by the students.

Good luck and I wish you a great year!

Happy Holidays!

  (Photo by Aldo T. Lim)

Just what I needed after getting by-passed.

Happiness is a choice as some people say. But this chilling month makes me want to rethink if there is a reason to be happy about. (Yes, it's a SINGLES entry)

Contrary to what people think, I am happy.

Why?

Because I could layer on clothing without the fear of fainting due to excessive sweating. Most of the stuff in my closet is for cold weather.

Since it is cold, I just love walking outdoors these days. With the right music playing in my mind, I feel like walking down the runways of Gucci and Burberry Prorsum.

Come summer time, I still attempt to wear my December clothing at the slightest rainfall. I defy weather; at least with my clothing.



On the other hand, I am sad because the only thing that I ever wanted can't be mine.

No layer of clothing can warm up a lonely heart.

Even Hope has left me cold.

Why is it so hard to let go when the person doesn't give you any reason to hold on still?

When people ask me why this one, I'm simply tongue-tied.

And here I am dedicating another entry while someone is sleeping peacefully without any idea how I get by every single day.

I've been known for my pride, but when it comes to my personal life, I'm an overused rag.

I've been frustrated these past few months with regard to my personal and student life. What makes it more frustrating is that I don't have time to shop. I used to have a monthly pilgrimage to the mall. But this year, I could count the times I've entered Mecca-mall on one hand.

Well, I decided to end my suffering 12 hours ago. I finally went to the mall armed with enough money and ditched the pile of work on my table. I believe I so needed this trip. I can't think of anything else but the smell and feel of new apparel. I gave in and I'm happy. I couldn't smile more when I entered the mall and saw all the goodies inside.

For some, shopping can be fun with a friend in tow, but not for me. I can never have a companion when shopping. The only time I rest is when I'm fitting clothes or shoes or when I'm eating. Otherwise, I just keep on walking and surveying possibilities.

I came home past midnight. Just so I won't be labeled obscene at home with my purchases, I've thrown all my receipts and hid the paper bags under my bed.

Money may not guarantee you happiness, but it can damn make you look fine while being sad.

For some people, that's enough reason to be happy already.

It works for me.